Odd Girl Out

I should so be used to this by now....

Seriously folks, I am always the "odd girl out". For as long as I can remember, I've pretty much always been on the outside looking in. On the fringes of any "clique" that would sort of somewhat "have" me. Always the last invited, always the last one received, the one that everyone tolerates but would prefer to not have around at all.

"That's not true!" some might say. But alas, sadly, it is. Very true. I remember in Preschool not having any friends until a little boy named Will suddenly decided he not only wanted to be my friend, but that it was his job to protect me. I am still friends with that boy today, around 25 years later.

It continued on through out my school days. Constantly moving (not because I was a military brat but because my Mother was restless) didn't exactly help things. I was always the "new" kid when everyone had been with most of their school friends since Kindergarten or First Grade. Even the friends I did have weren't true friends. They would bail on me at the first opportunity, or due mean things to me just because they could.

As I aged, I would try desperately to "fit in" with whoever seemed willing to have me. I'd go Goth, Retro, Preppy. The first time I ever felt like I truly belonged in a group was at the end of my Freshman year of HS. Thanks to the Theater Club, I found a nitch and made some now life-long friends. However, even having those friends doesn't always help. As we aged and grew up and moved on with our lives, we've been split up and the saga continues.

Is some this "odd girl out" feeling all in my head? Perhaps. It may very well be some form of neurosis that has formed in my head to nag at me when I least expect or want it. It may also be that for some reason, this is just the black plague of my life.

Recently, formed friendships with one group of friends seemed to hit a road block. Life does seem to get in the way some times. But the biggest slight to me is when several of them get together and don't even ask if I want or can join. And then they post about it on Facebook. Stab in the heart, I tell you. And I know that one group in particular isn't trying to be purposefully malicious. It just happens that way.

So what is an "odd' girl to do? What I've always done; slap on a big smile, pretend like everything is fine and cry behind closed doors.